September 11th, 2001, maybe 4 or 5 in the afternoon. I was working at the library at American University in Dubai, UAE. My wife and I had just gotten back from vacation not more than a month before, and I was finally settling into my work schedule. The Summer II students had finished midterms, and we were taking advantage of the dead time to get projects and improvements done. It was about as quiet as it gets at AUD, outside of term break.

I was sitting at the Circulation Desk doing something so important that I've forgotten what it was. I had maybe an hour left at work for the day, so it couldn't have been anything major. And then, one of our library's better student workers - also one the school's best IT students - came in with a look of sheer disbelief on his face.

"Jim, you have to look at CNN," he said, brandishing his cellphone: "It's horrible. A plane just crashed in New York."

Blink. Blink - blink. "What?"

"No joke, man. A plane crashed into the World Trade Center. They think it's on purpose. Look."

Of course, CNN.com was jammed, and we didn't have a TV in the library. But between the two of us we found enough online news sources to get the info. My heart sunk as I read the news. I just couldn't believe it.

Fortunately for my sanity, work was darn near over. When I got home, I ran down to the TV in our apartment tower's gym so I could see what was going on in realtime. The sight made me both sad and sickened. I was also very worried, since I had friends who lived and worked in Washington D.C - one not too far from the Pentagon. In fact, one of them had an ongoing temp position IN the Pentagon some time ago...

I made phone calls home. Screw the exorbitant costs of dialing across the Atlantic: this was an emergency. I was able to get my mom - and get the latest rumor update - but I had to leave a message on dad's machine. It turned out later that my dad was in Chicago after attending a sales conference, getting ready to get on a plane and go back to Santa Rosa when it all came down.

As for our friends in D.C, we got hold of them later that night (the afternoon in the states) and found out that they were just fine. One of them had to walk through the deserted streets of Georgetown with air raid sirens going off in the background, but he made it home okay. Everyone was okay. We hadn't lost anyone. We breathed a sigh of relief.

The next morning, it really hit me. We had lost someone. We lost up to 6000 other someones, in fact. All the people on the planes, in the towers, in the pentagon... all those people, gone.

I prayed to the Morrigan for justice, then. I realize that calling on Her for such a thing is a bit like strapping yourself with C-4 and taking a suicide leap at a rabid dog just to do away with the pooch, but I didn't care. In a world where people can kill thousands in the name of one God, it somehow makes perfect sense to ask another to call down the lightning, even if you have to be the one holding the vane. Magic requires sacrifices. So be it.

I got a few panicky emails from family members, begging me to come home as soon as possible. I told them that I was in no danger, here, as the UAE government knows what side it's bread's buttered on when it comes to American citizens. If anything, I was probably safer on the ground in the UAE than I would have been back home, what with threats of further action looming and anthrax in the mail.

(In fact, the only serious incident outside of a few folks being harassed by idiots - which also happens anytime something serious occurs in Israel - was some moron shooting up the outside of the Hard Rock Cafe. Fortunately, no one was hurt, and it later turned out that he was just drunk and angry about something else. And that was it.)

The next few weeks, I alternated between elation and disgust. The elation came from seeing America come together, even if I could only behold it from overseas. It's sad that it takes something like this for us to remember that we really are one nation, indivisible, but when we do it's a sight to behold.

It also came in the form of having so many of my students and co-workers, mostly Muslims, condemn what happened. I knew it was harram - forbidden - for people to do such a thing, but it's easy to forget that when reading the world's headlines.

I did get a few people who refused to believe that it was Arabs. One lady said that they were too disorganized: "I should know, I am an Arab," she said (which made me feel great - her being in charge of one of AUD's organizational departments and all...) But no one gave me any speeches about Palestine, Iraq or the like.

And then there was Bush's amazing leadership in the face of the crisis. I'd voted for him for economic issues, as well as not wanting censorious hypocrites like Gore/Lieberman in the White House, but I hadn't been too impressed thus far. That day changed all that, and while I don't agree with everything he's done thus far in the War on Terror, the first critical moves he made were right on the money. He didn't pander to the worst impulses, and he didn't verge and look unsure of himself. He led, and led well.

As for the disgust, well... I'm sure if you've been reading my columns for this past year you can see what I'm talking about. All the nutjobs and bigots have taken advantage of the crisis, calling for nuclear strikes all over the Middle East, imprisonment and/or deportation of all Muslims, cultural genocide and the like. I've tried to point out that Al-Queda and their cheerleaders were in the minority, and that the majority of the Muslims in America - indeed, the world - are fairly peaceable. But that's fallen on deaf ears in some places. Nasty headlines, loudmouths and the fact that Sharia law isn't what we would choose to live under tends to trump common sense and perspective every time.

And in that fashion - perched between joyful relief and incredulous shock - the year's lurched on. We've seen amazing things happen in Afghanistan, but we've also seen some snafus and false starts in the ongoing campaign. We've seen the need for better security be swiftly handled, but somewhat mismanaged and badly-packaged. We've seen a willingness to speak out, but had simplistic answers and browbeating take the place of real dialogue and open inquiry. We've seen America come together, but we've also seen it go back apart, with only red white and blue knickknacks on sale in the bargain rack to mark its passing. We've seen idiots from both camps - peace at all costs vs. war on Islam itself - try to take hold of the public debate with very few people calling for common sense and rationality. And now we're being clumsily led into the next step of the fight: a step that will determine a great deal of where we go from here on out...

It's been a year, but it feels like a really hectic week ago. I'm not certain if the last year was as good as it could have been under the circumstances, but I also know that it could have been a lot worse. And I'm not certain what the future might hold, but I'm guardedly optimistic.

My prayer is for safety, sanity and peace. My hopes are a better future. And my desires are to see it all in my lifetime. I realize that's probably a lot to ask, but I figure if we all ask for it - and work to make it happen - we'll get there.

"Let us be of good cheer, however, remembering that the misfortunes hardest to bear are those which never come." - James Russell Lowell